Divorce

This last week, we talked about divorce and how it can effect a family and also how families can recover from being a "broken" home and then trying to come together again. I found it really fascinating some of the statistics that my teacher gave us about divorce. Many people dont realize that divorce is incredible expensive. Several HUNDRED thousands of dollars initially, but the rippling effects can add up to almost a million over the following years.
Also, over 80% of divorced people (within 5 years after the divorce) wish that they had not gotten divorced, but rather tried to get through it.
And those that do work through it say that within 2 years there is an incredible increase in their happiness as a family, even greater than when they were newly wed.
I think that the problem is that many people jump in to divorce, hoping that it will serve as a quick fix to all their problems, but they do not think of all the long term damages that will occur, especially if their are children involved.
It is always, ALWAYS, worth it to seek help and work your way through the issues, rather than just try and run away from the problems through divorce.

Everything there is to know about parenting....haha NOT

Parenting is such a challenging thing. There is no way to measure your success in the present. Many times, looking back, we see what we could or should have done differently. Things are always changing, including the trials and challenges that come with parenting.

I wish I could just make a list of the right and wrong things that parents can do. But it is not that simple.  The one thing that I have really learned this week is that to be a good parent you need to be dynamic and adaptable, patient and understanding, and always aware of your communications. I think that if parents follow this guideline, they can track their progress and should be able to handle most situations in an acceptable way. Oftentimes there is no right or wrong way to handle a specific situation. Parents always need to be ready to look for opportunities to teach their children and also build their children’s confidence in them.

Fathers and finances

In class we talked a lot about the responsibility that fathers have to provide for their families.  Especially in today’s economy many families are worried about finances. Some families often consider having the mother going and getting a job as well. This can have many different effects within the home.  Many church leaders encourage mothers to remember that their primary responsibility is to nurture and raise their children. This is not a sexist idea, or saying that women are not good enough to work.  Women should pursue an education and then use that in their day-to-day lives within their home. After their children are grown up, and if they still see fit, it is great for moms to go out into the workforce and use their expertise in whatever their desired field is.  But the father’s responsibility is to protect and provide for the family. In today’s world the biggest part of this protection comes from financial stability. The father should always be doing his best and working his hardest to make sure that his family will never go without.

Communication

Communication is use within our families every day.  Between husband and wife, parents and children, and brothers and sisters.  If our channels of communication are not clear, then we will create confusion and disorder within the home.  Much of our Communication is nonverbal.  We need to be aware of how we act around others, the tone of our voice and the actions that we make I when we speak with them.

When we learn to listen, we greatly strengthen our ability to effectively communicate with one another.  When there are problems within the home they usually comes from a misunderstanding or somebody’s inability to listen.

Stress!

Many people try to avoid stress as much as I can.  But stress, in and of itself, does not cause problems.  Stress is just the feelings that we have of needing to accomplish certain tasks.  The problems arise with how we handle the stress.  If we put it off or ignore it then we will create bigger problems for ourselves.  However, if we look at every opportunity as a chance to grow and come together as a family, we can turn the stress into motivation and energy to cause our family to act in the right direction.

Sexual Intimacy

This past week we discussed sexual intimacy and the role that it plays with our families. Many people feel uncomfortable openly discussing their sexual lives, but it is important that couples are aware of one another’s feelings and needs and that they strive to exercise this power in a respectful and reverent way which helps them to strengthen their relationship as husband-wife, and also keep themselves emotionally and physically and psychologically healthy. Sexuality is something that is becoming more and more underappreciated in our world today.  People talk about it and treat the subject with very little respect.  This creates an attitude of nonchalant and carelessness towards this very special and sacred experiences.  It is our role as parents and family members to teach others and set the example as to how we should respect and use our bodies to strengthen our relationships within our home.

Transitions in marriage.

While talking about transitions within marriage, we discussed how every marriage goes through trials and obstacles. Many people think that these trials will result in conflict or troubles within a marriage, but if we know how to transition through these, we can use them as opportunities to grow together and strengthen our family bonds. In order to do this, there needs to be a strong form of communication between husband and wife. Without being open with one another, it is impossible to transition as a team.

Last week in class we discussed dating and preparing ourselves for marriage. Dating is not only a fun way to get to know people, but it is also vital in preparing ourselves for marriage.
Once we are involved in an exclusive relationship, we start to get a glimpse of what it will be like to be married; you start sharing ideas with the other person, planning for the future of both people, and being consciously aware of your finances.

The dating process is important in leading up to dating exclusively because we get to do a variety of activities with several different people to see who they truly are in varying situations. The problem is that in today's world, youth are very quick to begin dating one person very seriously after only a date or two. But if a young man tries to date several different girls, he gets labeled as being "sneaky" or dealing behind the backs of others.

It's hard to find a balance between keeping things light and fun, especially if the other party (or parties) has different views of feelings on how dating should be done.

A few weeks ago we discussed the specific roles that each gender has. In today's world, many people are trying to make females more masculine, or men less brutish. Many people think that our gender characteristics are just something that our environment teaches us, or that people have come to expect of us and so we assume those roles.
However, if you look at the traditional family unit (mother and father, with children) you see that each gender has very important duties, and that they are necessary to complete the family. Females (the mothers) are meant to nurture and raise the children with love and kindness. Men are also loving and cherishing of the children, but also work and provide for the family.
This is the pattern that we can see throughout the history of the world, in all types of cultures and religions.

Social class and culture play a large part in how our families develop. A large part of social class is determined by our financial status. If there are financial difficulties, that can cause stress and contention within the home. On the other hand, a family that is wealthy may put more value and importance on money than on other values or ethics.
The biggest influence on the family can be the culture in which a family is. This can be culture due to religion, politics, or the area that you live. Traditions and habits can develop through out entire communities.
I noticed this while spending time in Brazil. I was in the Northeast, which is known for being the poorer and less educated part of the country. The people there are very nice and friendly, but when it comes to families, they are very casual. Marriage is not common at all, and the family is often dispersed and children go to live with other relatives at a young age.

If we want to develop a certain type of family, we need to be aware of the culture around us, and make sure it's conducive to the family we want.
As previously mentioned, religion can play a large role in the type of culture we develop. It can be one of the most secure sources of creating a well-balanced environment in which to raise our children.

During one of our class discussions we were pointing out the various responsibilities that each member in the family has, and what role they play in keeping the family together. The teacher used a really good example when he brought 5 students to the front of the class and had them all clasp hands in a circle, and then lean outwards, away from each other. The teacher then proceeded to pull slightly on one of the students, causing the others to have to pull in the opposite direction in order to help the first student stay standing. The teacher went from student to student, each time pulling backwards on the student and watching as the other 4 compensated.
This is how stress works in our families. One person will feel the pull, but if there are strong family ties, the others will help support the individual. One observation that was made was that it was often difficult and even hurt a little bit when the students had to tighten their grip. I think this is definitely realistic in the fact that when one member struggles, the rest of the family will often feel the strain, or even discomfort, as they are helping the one in need.
This activity showed the importance of having family ties and always being there for one another, and not giving up either.

Intro To My Blog

This blog is required for a class that I am enrolled in at BYU-I. I am excited to be able to learn more about blogging and also to be able to share my thoughts on families in general, as well as my own family.
I have already been asked several times about my blog title: My World-Wide Family. I felt that this was an appropriate title for a few reasons. First off- my family and I love to travel. We have been to several foreign countries and over 30 of the continental states together as a family. These experiences have marked my life and been wonderful memories with my family. Secondly, during these travels I have met other people that have become life-long friends whom I now consider as part of my family. I feel that my "family" is now spread out across the globe. This is a great feeling, knowing that wherever I go I will have a home to stay at and a family to take me in.